The Old Bag

I have kept a bag... a bag filled with notes. I jotted down every sms and email I had with LOL. All the letters and notes I have packed and sealed and kept them away. I didnt want to read any of them anymore. But why am I still keeping them? Isnt it easier to just throw them away. Why go through the hassle of packing and sealing and hiding them? I dont know.

Today, I dont know why I went to dig it out and .... yes, I read, not all, but enough to make my skies grey again. I have loved him so much. He too. I really did love him, I do. And reading through the notes made me realised how much pain I have been through. I went into depression and even tried to hurt myself, physically. I hide away from people, there were no smiles, no words.

And after reading the notes, I know why he didnt want to talk to me anymore.

Well, he really dont know the pain I went through. It's sad and it does hurt. When you gave so much for him and he doesnt want to talk to you anymore. That was what he felt when I cut off all connections with him. No contacts after I changed my number.

Yes, I know it was bad, but that was the best way for me to live my life. I cannot help thinking of him all the time. I havent talked to him for so long, and yet I still miss him and think of him so much. What if he still calls?

After reading those, I really have the urge of sending him another message...

Is it too late to be friends again? Or do I really want to be friends with him?
Like I have said before, I can be friends with all my exes, cause I dont love them as much as I love LOL. It's different. Forget it. I think it's just a feeling I cannot control. Hopefully it will pass...