I have been talking to Zdor a lot lately, about everything. And I think we are quiet close. Our kind of talking is only on social networking, and not those verbal ones - on the phone, bla bla bla.
However these days, I felt something. Something that I have not felt in a long time. Every time when I am on social network (sn), I will look out for him. And when he is not online for a few days, I would think where is he? Is this missing someone? Well, not like I will start anything with him, nor will he even want to... But why am I having these thoughts? This is kind of scary, I really don't want these to continue as I really don't know where this will lead me to.
Some nights before I sleep, I would think... fantasize, imagine myself in a world where I will never be. To be loved and cared for all over again. And I tried so hard not to include him in these. Last night, I had a dream. A funny dream, where Zdor & I were walking. Suddenly he came to hold my hand. I did not push him away, instead I dragged him nearer to me. And then he kissed me... It ended. I was half glad, half disappointed. Wanting to know what happened next, and on the other hand, I'm so wrong to even have dreams like these.
I am sitting in front of the computer writing and holding a glass of rosé. Life is good.
