When is Enough?

I dont usually write from home, but today it's really bad. I needed to talk, but to no one. Not that I dont have any friends, but I just think it's a problem of my own.

I just dont know when I would stand up and tell him I want to be alone. Alone with my kids. I have had enough of him. Havent I gave in enough already? Havent I been the best wife already?
Everytime I go out, I am the earliest to leave, drink the least, zero flirting. And how often do I actually go out? I am pretty enough to get attention from guys, and yet I just ignore them. Cause I know I am a wife with 2 kids. Also, I am old enough to do what is right and what is wrong.

I could have walked away and signed the papers the last time we argued, and instead, I went for counselling and bought books of self improvement. Am I not good enough?

The moment I knew he got a job, I was the happiest. I bought him a notebook, I arranged for his cutleries and toiletries. And all I got was "can you put in a little effort to make me happy?" What the F***? I have always been pleasing people and now this is what I get?

Why should I be wasted with a man like him? I wish I can tell him that he doesnt deserve me at all and I really regret marrying him. This I knew it 8 years ago, and now this is really a confirmation of my regret. I stay with him for the sake of my kids. If it's not for my kids, I would have left long ago. I dont need him at all. I dont know what is the use of him actually. Having him is like not having him.

When we go out, he sits in a corner and not talk. He doesnt follow me to my friends and relatives' places. And he expects me to go with him to every function. WTF? He can go out partying when I am sick - dizzy and nausea. He expects me to take care of the kids and work in the office. And when he gets a cold, he expects me to be there for him 24/7.

There are millions of things that I would say about him. I just think he doesnt deserve me at all. And I really wish I can live a life without him.

Dr P

Well I was introduced to him last month I think. And I dont know why he left a really deep impression in me. I have been thinking of him a lot, which is quite funny. Why is this so? He is a year younger than mr.

i am getting crazy these days. always day dreaming, of him. nothing happened between us. i talked to him very little, but i know quite a lot about him. he was telling me how his life was. i have a feeling that he is attracted to me too. just a feeling.

actually i would love to know more about him. i just like him for being so sporty, so built.

mr. is not around these days. he finally got a job. a job far away which he has to travel every week. he will be away almost every weekday and comes back during the weekends. that leaves me more time to day dream. i kind of enjoyed the time being alone. i can do whatever i want, i can see whomever i want.

sometimes i would think, how nice it is to bump into dr.p. some coincidental incident. but why? what for? what happens next? you think i can just have a one night stand with him? no way, he knows mr.

or what about another affair? forget it. i just dont want to start all these rubbish again. i dont want to be hurt anymore. i'm too afraid and i will not risk my kids for my selfishness. but then again, no harm dreaming right?

sex with mr. has stopped. getting less and less again. are we going back to before? but i just dont want to do it. maybe i am having another person in mind? u think? bullshit. i dont even know what i am writing now. forget it...

i'll never stop dreaming...