I'm not having an affair. I'm not seeing anyone, not sleeping with anyone. Not having any intimate relationship, not involve with any other people either than Mr.
The other day I read an article... it said, cheating is not about sleeping with someone or not, even erasing a message from your phone is part of it. Well, I did. I would erase all messages from Carl. I don't love him. There is nothing between us, but why? Why am I deleting all those messages. Not like it was intimate, they are just casual messages, normal stuff we talk about.
He looked extremely good. No doubt, I have once or twice fantasize, but nothing more. I don't want to be with him, I don't want to hurt him anymore. I think he still loves me a lot, which I am flattered and uncomfortable at the same time. Knowing that he loves me so much, makes me can't be normal friends with him. It would just make things worse. I have told him a lot of times that there won't be anything in between us and I only treat him as a friend...
Anyway that day after 1 too many bottles of alcohol... he told Suli & Ay so much. Too much.
Wish him well...
Thursday, April 28, 2016
Friday, February 19, 2016
Supress
That day Carl asked me again, why is it that I'm always so proper? When will I ever let go and do what I want? I told them I am happy with what I have now, why should I change it?
That night, both of us finished 4 bottles of red, while Suli and Ay had 10 pints of Guinness. Still I was proper, I did what I should and didn't do what I shouldn't.
Why am I always like that? When I was younger, even until now.
Suli then agreed with Carl, she said that I'm suppressing myself. Really?
Then I came to think of it. Why? Why am I always like that? At this age, I should be doing whatever I like. When I don't like it, just voice it out. What is the problem with having a glass of wine over dinner? What is the problem with meeting up with a guy friend? What is the problem?
The problem is him, it's Mr. Why is he always against what I do?
He has never encourage me to do what I want or what I like. Never. And why am I still under his control? I am old enough. I need to be appreciated. I need people to appreciate what I do. I need cuddles, I need love.
That night, both of us finished 4 bottles of red, while Suli and Ay had 10 pints of Guinness. Still I was proper, I did what I should and didn't do what I shouldn't.
Why am I always like that? When I was younger, even until now.
Suli then agreed with Carl, she said that I'm suppressing myself. Really?
Then I came to think of it. Why? Why am I always like that? At this age, I should be doing whatever I like. When I don't like it, just voice it out. What is the problem with having a glass of wine over dinner? What is the problem with meeting up with a guy friend? What is the problem?
The problem is him, it's Mr. Why is he always against what I do?
He has never encourage me to do what I want or what I like. Never. And why am I still under his control? I am old enough. I need to be appreciated. I need people to appreciate what I do. I need cuddles, I need love.
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