Last night I dreamt of LOL. There is a saying that you will dream of that someone if he misses you. Well, does it mean that he only miss me once in a blue moon? Does it mean that he dreams of me everyday?
How can I get his out of me totally? I know I have made up my mind about giving up on this relationship and to stop thinking of him, but I am just any other human. I have feelings, I have heart, I have a mind. How can I let him go just like that? It's impossible.
Now I can control my feelings, my mind. I certainly have no control of my heart. Sometimes when you're in love, you should just go with the flow, you cannot be too alert. When it's suppose to happen, it'll happen. There is no need to purposely change or whatsoever.
There are times that I really would like to drive up to him, to just get a hug. Love is just so strange. Is there anyone in life who can live without being love? Like I have said, we are human. Not only women, but men needs to be cuddled, needs to be loved, needs to be pampered. No matter how old we are, there is a child in us. We are just like babies, waiting to be hugged and kissed and loved.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Monday, May 22, 2006
I Need Therapy
I want to have sex. I really do. If you asked me when was the last time I had sex, I cannot answer you because I cannot even recall. I was trying so hard yesterday to think when was the last, but I still cant remember. It was just too long ago.
Do you think I am psychotic? I have a man sleeping next to me every night but I cannot get myself to even touch him. Deep in me, I need him. But somehow, there is a tiny bit in my head that pulled me away. I truly believe I am psycho.
I think I need some kind of therapy or something, which Lynn agrees to. She also thinks that I am crazy to live without sex for this long. Wow, according to Charlotte in Sex and the City, I am re-virginated.
Is it because of that small little words that LOL said? "How can you make love out of obligation? That's so sad." But am I having sex out of obligation? Or is this purely a necessity in life? Well, there are so many men & women out there having one night stands. They don't even know who the hell they slept with after they wake up. They simply needed to be fulfilled.
To come to think of it, maybe having sex with someone you don't know, makes it better, at least you know it's not an obligation.
Do you think I am psychotic? I have a man sleeping next to me every night but I cannot get myself to even touch him. Deep in me, I need him. But somehow, there is a tiny bit in my head that pulled me away. I truly believe I am psycho.
I think I need some kind of therapy or something, which Lynn agrees to. She also thinks that I am crazy to live without sex for this long. Wow, according to Charlotte in Sex and the City, I am re-virginated.
Is it because of that small little words that LOL said? "How can you make love out of obligation? That's so sad." But am I having sex out of obligation? Or is this purely a necessity in life? Well, there are so many men & women out there having one night stands. They don't even know who the hell they slept with after they wake up. They simply needed to be fulfilled.
To come to think of it, maybe having sex with someone you don't know, makes it better, at least you know it's not an obligation.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Admiration
Why haven't I wrote anything lately? Does this mean that I am happy already? No worries means no need to write?
Something like that. I have gave in a lot. I made up my mind, "what the heck? why am I wasting so much time on something that will never work out?" I am 29 and with a kid now. I dont want to waste time no more. I would have had more children if I chose LOL. But now that the decision had been made, I am married, I want another baby. It's really unfair to Mr. as well as myself to have LOL in our lives, or should I say in my life.
Well, I still love LOL, I still care, he is still in my heart, but that is only in the imaginary world. In reality, I am a happily married mother of one.
These days have been better. I felt more like a family. I have treated Mr. better than before. I have told him that I am ready for another kid, which I really am.
Sometimes, I would still wander. I would sit and think of times with LOL. I admire him a lot. He is tall, big, cute. Being with him, I can feel the sense of security. I was thinking to myself the other day. Have I ever admire Mr.? And the answer was no. I have not been attracted to his looks at all. What has he that had captured my heart? I really dont know. There are so many guys in my life, but there was no one that made me leave Mr.
The closest was LOL, and I really still do love him.
Something like that. I have gave in a lot. I made up my mind, "what the heck? why am I wasting so much time on something that will never work out?" I am 29 and with a kid now. I dont want to waste time no more. I would have had more children if I chose LOL. But now that the decision had been made, I am married, I want another baby. It's really unfair to Mr. as well as myself to have LOL in our lives, or should I say in my life.
Well, I still love LOL, I still care, he is still in my heart, but that is only in the imaginary world. In reality, I am a happily married mother of one.
These days have been better. I felt more like a family. I have treated Mr. better than before. I have told him that I am ready for another kid, which I really am.
Sometimes, I would still wander. I would sit and think of times with LOL. I admire him a lot. He is tall, big, cute. Being with him, I can feel the sense of security. I was thinking to myself the other day. Have I ever admire Mr.? And the answer was no. I have not been attracted to his looks at all. What has he that had captured my heart? I really dont know. There are so many guys in my life, but there was no one that made me leave Mr.
The closest was LOL, and I really still do love him.
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