Admiration

Why haven't I wrote anything lately? Does this mean that I am happy already? No worries means no need to write?

Something like that. I have gave in a lot. I made up my mind, "what the heck? why am I wasting so much time on something that will never work out?" I am 29 and with a kid now. I dont want to waste time no more. I would have had more children if I chose LOL. But now that the decision had been made, I am married, I want another baby. It's really unfair to Mr. as well as myself to have LOL in our lives, or should I say in my life.

Well, I still love LOL, I still care, he is still in my heart, but that is only in the imaginary world. In reality, I am a happily married mother of one.

These days have been better. I felt more like a family. I have treated Mr. better than before. I have told him that I am ready for another kid, which I really am.

Sometimes, I would still wander. I would sit and think of times with LOL. I admire him a lot. He is tall, big, cute. Being with him, I can feel the sense of security. I was thinking to myself the other day. Have I ever admire Mr.? And the answer was no. I have not been attracted to his looks at all. What has he that had captured my heart? I really dont know. There are so many guys in my life, but there was no one that made me leave Mr.

The closest was LOL, and I really still do love him.