Finally...

these days we had more arguments than usual. we would quarrel over small issues. everything he does is wrong, everything i did was against him. finally yesterday, he said, we should stay apart and think things over. all i replied was "good idea".

i was not at all sad. i was not worried. in fact i was actually planning for a holiday, but due to the swine virus, i might as well just stay home. this is really something i want. something i have waited for for the past 7 years. i wish i can renovate my house now and just move in, and live a life all by myself. i wish this would end just like that.

on the other hand, what i'm most worried are my family. how they would react, how would they feel, will they be sad. how will my kids be growing in a single parent family? will they be laughed at? will they turned bad? i was also thinking... can i really let these stop my life again?

i had, for the past 32 years, living a life worrying about people around me, caring for how they feel, putting their thoughts in front of mine. am i going to continue being like this for the rest of my life? staying in a marriage that i dont like. that argues all the time.

why do i have to be angry for him coming back late?
why do i have to be angry for him waking up at noon?
why do i have to be angry for him not doing anything?

isnt it better that i live my own life? a healthy life with my 2 beautiful kids? i come home from work to my great family, to see my 2 kids, to have dinner with my parents and siblings. so that my kids know what a healthy and normal family is. i hate it when my kids see their dad sleeping so late and waking up so late.

i dont need him. i have thought a lot. think and think and think... but i couldnt find a reason to stay. because i just do not need him. either than that petite cash he is giving me, what else has he given?

even without him in my life, i can still have the life i have. nothing is going to change. if there is, it's only something good. i dont have to argue with him, i dont need to raise my voice, i dont need to worry about another person. i am just doin everything i was doing.

and that's why they say, never let a woman to learn to be independant. i just dont need man.