The Urge

Yesterday I had a dream. It was not about sex. When I woke up this morning, I wanted so much to have sex. Again I look at Mr. next to me, I got up and went to take a hot bath. The urge was soon gone.

In the car driving to work, I thought again. How am I supposed to continue living in a life like this? Can a normal person live without sex? I am a woman, a fully grown woman, we all know that sex is a necessity. Does this mean my life is incomplete? I am a woman with a strong urge for sex, but whenever this urge comes, I will have to drown it in a hot bath.

I miss being touched, being kissed, being held, being caressed. I missed having sex, though. Sometimes I would think to myself, I would just go out and find a cute guy and hop into bed with him. But then again, my right brain tells me no. Well, to be frank, I have not slept with someone whom I don't know. In easier understood words - no one night stand before. And I don't intend to anyway.

The thought of divorce is still fresh in my mind. I hate to live a life like this. Why can't I be with the one I love? Watching movies, listening to songs make me sick. Make me feel even worse when it comes to love scenes. The other day I had lunch with Chyee. She said look at the bright side, "Maybe you will feel the same when you marry LOL" Well, it may be true, but I replied "at least I'm in love with him". We discussed on how some of our friends treat their husbands like king. I definately can, but it has to be someone I love.

I dare say in all faith that I can be a wife and mother a husband and a child can be proud of. Any friend will envy. There are so many things I restrict myself from doing because my husband is not LOL. I know LOL will appreciate me and will be so proud to have me as his wife and the mother of his child.

I don't know how to put it into words, but I have a feeling LOL is the husband I want and the father I want for my child.