hi there

for the past few months i was hooked with facebook. and since it's such a popular thing now, i thought i might as well try to search for LOL. the exact name came out - one and only. i don't know whether i should be happy or not. all these years of not having contact with him, i wanted so much to know what's happening to him.

now that i have, my heart felt a little sore when i saw his picture with his wife and daughter. i hesitated whether should i message him, should i add him as friend, should i create another account just for him? should i this should i that?

after typing hundreds of words in the message window, i pressed the backspace button and after typing and erasing for so many times, i finally decided not to message him. but still i check on him to see what was he doing.

he is so sweet and as i expect him to be. he got himself a frog pet and named it rooney. he petted him everyday and bought him food. he car raced with friends and even joined the MU group. i miss him so much.

i saw him changing his mood from stress to lonely... then after many days of visiting his profile, he wrote '... is missing my wife and daughter". my heart sank. well, i really cant help feeling it. i thought him being lonely is because he doesnt love his wife or something. it's really hard to find a man to write this. i envy, i'm so jealous. he is mine, well, he was mine and i should be the wife he is refering to. what have i done? why have i chose such a route? i want LOL to be my husband.

i finally got the courage to message him. i didnt know what to say, just left him a "hi, there". but till today there still isn't any reply. did he see the message but ignored it, or he hasn't seen the message at all?

so what if he replies? are we going to friends again? can i get over all these? can i see him and act as if nothing in the world happened? the feeling is right, i know i have not forgotten him, i know i still love him so much. i know and i really do.