Let Go Yourself

Last weekend Mr. was not around. I went out with Carl & Gina. It has been such a long time since the 3 of us got together. I still remember times in Australia when we couldnt care less. We had happening weekends, sleepless nights and those were the days.

Anyway, we had a great dinner and then went to party. The crowd sucks but being with 2 best buddies makes everything better. We ordered a bottle of whiskey, then added 2 jugs of Long Island Tea. Still not enough to make us 3 drunk to the max. Anyway, we did enjoy. At the club, Carl asked how was I. I said I was ok, he told me he is really happy. For the past few years he has made a lot of money. I am happy for him.

3 of us had different lives.

Carl made a statement, saying that I hadnt let myself go enough. Now that my husband is not around, I still held back. I should be the one who is dead drunk and enjoyed to the fullest. Instead, I was the most sober one. Although, it's just a small statement, I dont know why for the past 3 days I have been thinking of this so much. I totally agree with him. Not only for that day, but for the past years that I have. I have been holding back even when I was alone in Australia.

I don't usually wear sleeveless or clothes that are too revealing. That day I wore a spagetti top. I felt really uneasy. Carl said I should be more daring. Why am I always having low self esteem, having no confidence in myself? Why? I really dont know. Even at this age, having 2 kids, I still find myself pretty, I think I am most beautiful now. Why? I still remember how LOL always encouraged me to have more confident. Well, he doesnt like me wearing too revealing, but he always thinks that I am pretty. Oh... just forget it. No point thinking of him, at all.

I really dont know why. I really wanna try to do something and not think of what others thought. I really need some time, where I do something and no need to care but what people say - even Mr.