Sexless

I don't know how to say. And I have not tell this to anyone at all as I know no one is going to believe me, or they may just think I am crazy. Only Mr. & I will know the truth.

The last time I had sex was when I was 8 months pregnant with my 2nd child. And she is 14 months now. Do the math and see how long ago was my last. Oh dear, sometimes I myself cannot believe it. Well, thank god I am a homely person, if not Mr. will definitely think that I am having an affair.

I do have the urge. I miss being cuddled, being kissed, being caressed. But thinking of the real thing, I just couldnt get myself to do it. One of the nights last month, he finally couldnt stand and started touching me in the middle of the sleep. I didnt reject, I played along. It's funny how my body rejected him. There were no libido. He couldnt even be in me. Why is this so? We ended up not doing it.

I laid there, thinking... is it him or is it me? Why is this happening? I havent done it for more than a year and how come my body is rejecting this. I really need a doctor. Should I go see a psychologist? Is there something in my head that is holding me back? What is it? I have put LOL down since the facebook message. What else? Please, just get him out of my head, my life, my heart, just get him out of ME!!! I dont want this to ruin my life another time.

I also thought, I should give it a try and really go into the mood to have great sex again. But once I come to think of it, I would rather masturbate and sleep through the night. Why is this so? Is he not giving me the orgasm I need? Am I asking too much? Or I just dont want him anymore?

So what is going to happen? How am I suppose to solve this? Divorce is the last thing I want. I really dont know what I'm suppose to do.