Why Are We Talking about the Past?

Last night before I slept, I spoke to Lynn. Told her about what happened. We were talking and talking bout how stupid I am and all, then she asked me something, something I did not planned of hearing.

"Why didnt you choose the other chinese guy?"

I didnt know how to answer her. All I said was he's too far. She told me Melaka wasnt far. Somemore he was more handsome and criteria is much better. Yes I know, I knew it long before. But why? I still dont know why. I missed him so much and I still do. We were talking and talking about him then. She even found him on FB. I told her he is married with 2 beautiful daughters. And I even told her about the FB message that he sent me "it's better that we dont speak". She said I must have hurt him really badly. Yes I know...

And in the middle of the conversation, she asked, "wtf, why are we talking about the past? maybe we should plan the future now." I replied, "u r right, i'm still living in the past, maybe that's where the problems lie."

Ya, why am I still thinking of the past? Why do I still care about the "what ifs"? what's the point? why do I still wanna think of what will happen if I marry LOL? These thoughts are making me crazy.

But actually this problem that I have with Mr. is it really related to this? I have put LOL away long ago, or did I?

I'm really very fed up with him. Why doesnt he appreciate me more? I have given up such a great man for him, why cant he treasure me more? Why is he always talking about divorce? Or wanting a single life? What happens later? What will happen if I get back with him? I'm gonna be stuck like this forever? Things will all go back to square one, a predicted. Even Lynn said, I can tolerate. Nothing will happen, I will still be where I am.

That's really sad.