The Change

People tend to change once they are married. How true is this? Does this occur to women only or does men change too? Well, I have changed, I should say a lot, indeed. Is this because I am married to someone I don't love or is this another chip in us that change us automatically.

I used to be a yes woman. Everything that Mr. likes, I will like, whatever he does, I will follow. Maybe this was why he took things for granted. I hate to be what I am now. I hate the change. I want to be a great wife. But, with Mr. as my husband, can I?

How many people out there has not change after the vows? Am I not understandin enough? Or am I taking things for granted now? Do I really care how he feels?

I was doing some thinking yesterday. I hate to be where I am now. I feel sufficated. But who brought me into this? After yesterday's thoughts, it's clearly me. Why am I being so unfair to Mr. To think of it, I have been living in misery after LOL came into my life. He has been on my mind 24/7. Is this what I want?

I love him, and I still do. But this is messing up my life. I cannot continue this. From the moment I put on the ring, I should be fair to Mr. and I will be fair to him from now. I need a life.

He Who Loves Me Not

I opened my blog today to find a comment. I was glad that finally someone came to share my thoughts. It is always nice to know that someone is out there. Anyway, he mentioned that LOL might not be that in love with me. That was indeed one question I have doubts about.

I was so desperate then, that I went to a tarot reader. She told me the same, she said she can't seem to see love in him for me. At that time I chose not to believe as to make myself felt better. Come to think of it now, maybe he really isn't that into me after all, but still I will love him for all I could.

Is it fair to love and not being loved in return? It hurts me so much to see people in love. Well, don't get me wrong I am not a bad-hearted person. I want happiness in all those who i know. It is just that i feel bad that I cannot end up with the love of my life. Why love when you are not sure you have love in return? People around me tend to think that i am a waste of time to still have hope for him. What can I do? I am not a computer, I do not have a harddisk in me which I can delete whatever files I don't want. I have written, LOL is already in me, and being a human, there is no way I can get him out.

That's the beauty of loving someone. Loving and not hoping to be loved in return. That is silly to say but it is so true. when you are in love, there is nothing more than being with him.

Pretty & Nice

Why is he always calling me and not Mr? That is a question I can't answer. Does he likes me? Or it is just merely a friendly call. If I am not mistaken, I have mentioned this earlier that I am pretty, well not hot but pretty and simple. Although being a mother of one, I still find guys checking me out when I shop or dine. I am not saying that I look stunning, maybe it is the simplicity that attracts them.

A lot of people or should I say friends thinks that I am easy to be with. There are people saying that they feel comfortable talking to me. I am not flitatious, I am just being me. That is why I hate the pretencious people.

I was too stupid to have doubts on LOL. I am just afraid that he might not love me as much after we end up together and that was one of the reasons I ended. How can I be so low in confidence when everyone around me thinks that I am pretty and nice? Well, I guess only Mr does not appreciate me. I know, you never appreciate until you have lost them. Maybe I will have to loose Mr. before knowing that he is the one.

Like now, not being with LOL is the biggest regret in life. I still go around telling people that I love LOL a lot. I think of him 24/7. I cannot find one day that I don't think of him. I am obsessed to him. He is already a part of me.

The Black Dress

I remember reading from some magazines about a ladies' wardrobe. There has to be a black dress. Well, I assume every girl on earth has a black dress, it's a need to have piece. Unfortunately, I don't have one. I am a person who is not a fashion freak. Although each month I spend a lot on magazines, they have no effect on me or whatsoever.

Sometimes, I really think, whether I am a real lady. For whatever function, I only need 15minutes to prepare whereas my friends take hours. I don't wear make up as much. Well, for a formal wedding dinner last weekend, I only had lipstick, mascara and blusher, no foundation nor two way cake were dapped on my face. Why is this so? Does it mean I have natural beauty or merely laziness?

When there is a girls get together, they would talk about shopping, sales, cosmetics, fashion etc etc. Not to say I have no interest in those, but all I can say is that I am a simple person. I don't like all these.

I always complain that I'm fat but I never do anything about it. I would join gym, but not go as often. I would eat as much as I could. Is this how a lady should be? Maybe after a night out in the pubs, I will have one-day determination to go on a diet, after that one day, I will go back to normal.

There is only one person on earth whose words has effect on me. Yes, it's LOL. I remembered he saying that he doesn't like girls with stretch marks, the very next day I went to Guardian Pharmacy and got myself a stretch mark reducer and also this bathing thing who reduces stretch marks apparently.

He said that my finger nails doesn't look nice, I went for manicure the next day.

I'm not saying that he criticise me, he doesn't. In fact he always make me feel on top of the world. He would tell people that he's with the most beautiful person on earth, saying that I am so slim. He does make me feel important, make me feel confident...

Well, I think I should go get myself a little black saviour dress.