bye forever

i decided to message him again. and after 2 days he replied, "it's best that you dont message me, thanks". i was kinda surprise at his reply, as i know he is not at all those people who would say that. but i respected him and i didnt reply.

this morning i couldnt stop thinking of that message, so i told gina bout it. she said i should reply him, "alright, best wishes to you & ur family, bye forever." well, i did as i really didnt know what else to write. and after 2 hours, he replied "fuck off".

i was devastated. what is wrong with him? what did i do that hurt him so much? what did i do that made him so mad at me? what did i do to get this in return?

for the past so many years of missing him, thinking of him and this is what i get in return? what have i done? i have not given him my phone number that's all. so? what's the big deal? he doesnt know what i had been through. he doesnt know why i didnt give him my number? he didnt know how hurt i was. i guess he really doesnt know me well enough. he doesnt understand why i have been hiding from him.

why have i done all this suffering to get this in return?

if i hadnt love him so much, i would be good friends with him. as i have said, it's really killing me to sit by him and yet not holding him.

well, maybe it's a good thing too. maybe this is when i should stop all this nonsense. it's time to fully concentrate on my family. time to let all these go. time to really say "bye forever"