The Courage

If you do not have the courage to walk out of a marriage, does it mean you are a coward? What is it in a marriage? It's a lifetime commitment with someone you love? Or just plain responsibility? I have friends who stay in a marriage just for the sake of their children. Is this right? What future / happinest is there in such a marriage? I made a terrible mistake.

At the time when I said yes to Mr (my husband), I didn't realised that this is a big commitment. Well, I am not afraid of commitments. I just took it easily. I never thought that this is the man that I will be with for the rest of my life. In life there is only ONE person who will be with you to the last day. To be there by your side when you are lying in your sick bed. Not your parents, not your siblings, not your children nor your friends. This person is your spouse. Since this person is so important in one's life, how can anyone make a mistake?

I'm not saying that Mr. is someone I can't rely on. I just have someone else in my heart. I know this is bad but it's the heart, I have no control over it. Mr. is treating me so well that I couldn't reject his proposal. To be frank, I only noticed that he was not a husband that I want after I had my son. He is not a good father, or should I say he is not the father I want for my baby. But it's all too late now. I cannot just walk out of a marriage like that. Sometimes I would think, I don't mind being a single mom. With the income I have, I think I can survive with my son. I will stay in my own apartment, well maybe I should ask for a house. But I think I would not remarry. I'm just afraid that the other guy cannot accept my son. Or even if they do, they might abuse him later. No way I'm doing anything to hurt my little baby.

Anyway, I was saying, bout the courage to leave a marriage. I guess a lot of people out there do not have the courage. For instant, I have 2 friends, let's start with Chyee. She has a husband who is very slumber. He is not enthusiastic. He is not doing well in his work, she definately earns more than him, but that is not the case. She finds him not man enough. Like deli delly, taking his own sweet time to do things. They have a kid, and she ones told me that she wanted to divorce, in fact she has given him an email telling him to wait for her lawyers letter, and he avoided it. At the end nothing happened. I remembered telling her that she should give it another try, for the sake of their kid. She is still unhappy with him.

The second one is more interesting. You remember Bree-a-like? Jee at one point was living in denial. Right after their wedding, everything changed. Klo was going out every night, flying out of Malaysia so frequent. I think he has another woman or something. It was so obvious that Klo regretted the marriage. He treated her so bad. I thought it was the end, but well, they still are married now. I guess Klo knew too much of his wife. Like I've said she is so pretencious. Wanting to be the best of best in front of all her friends. So as a husband, he obviously knew all the lies she has behind. But still why is he still in the marriage? And Mr. did confirmed me that Klo has a woman out there, and the funny things is, Jee knew about it.

Why is it that men can't have the courage to leave? Is it because the kid was born? It is always easier said than done. I have 2 chances, and yet I still am where I am now. The issue is responsibility vs courage!