Making Love vs Just Sex

I tend to think a lot in the car, why is it? I guess it's because of the songs played and being alone. So at times to avoid the thoughts, I would call anyone. Yesterday, like any other day, I called Carl. We talked and he told me he has not slept with his girlfriend for almost a year. Well, I'm not surprised. Since LOL, I've slept less than 20times in 5 years. They say if you have not have sex for a year, you are re-virginated. That makes me a virgin again. Cool.

I was wondering how am I suppose to live like this for the rest of my life? Can anyone live without sex? Not to mention the sex thing, I cannot even recall when was our last kiss or even hug. I do have the urge for sex but definately not with him. Although he is the only one I can do it with as he is my husband, I would rather go get a hot bath and cool everything down.

I remember Lynn asked me once whether I masturbate? I said no, in actual fact who on earth hasn't masturbate before? I'm always shy when talking about all these sex things. I have not changed in front of any of my friends before. Lynn always said that I'm weird and tend to tease me by stripping in front of me. Coming back to the masturbation, yes I do and everytime in mind is LOL. He once told me that making love to me is the best thing that has happened to him. This is not talking dirty, in fact I'm flattered. I enjoying love making with him also, and especially loved it when he asked if I've orgasm. I always thought men never care. All they want is ejaculation, they never care what woman want. That's why I always tell LOL, he makes me a woman.

It's raining so heavy now. Why is it that raining always seem sad? Is it because of the grey sky? Or the dripping sound of the rainfall? I'm sitting in front of my computer, listening to songs that digs all my memories out. Suddenly, my eyes filled with tears. I really missed LOL. Sometimes I would sit and think what have I gotten myself into? Why is this happening to a poor child like me? Just one wrong step and never can I look back. At times like this, I wish I'm in his arms. I love him.